Trying to focus
by Kuri333
Summary: Tonks and Remus trying to focus during a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. Remus PoV added. Canon.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or places. I just borrowed them from JKR because it's really funny to play with them. **

**I'm sorry about grammar mistakes and such. My wonderful brother and beta is currently MIA, so it's just me.**

**This happens at some point in OotP.  
**

Tonks was looking at Snape with the strongest sensation of _déjà vu_. Her present situation reminded her of those many other times she had been listening to her old potions master without taking a word of his speech. What she was feeling right now was much alike, just words coming out and no meaning to go with them. What had he been talking about for the past half an hour? Tonks had no idea.

She forced herself to pay attention. She wasn't at school any more and this wasn't a dull potions lesson, even though the atmosphere of Headquarters was as gloomy as she remembered that specific classroom had been. This was important, they were discussing Death Eaters, You-Know-Who's plans, the Order…

"… therefore it is bound to be in the Dark Lord's immediate plans to…" Snape's monotonous explanation went on.

She couldn't. It was absolutely impossible for her to concentrate on his voice when her mind, her body, her heart were all treacherously focusing on the man sitting on her right, only inches from her. So close she could touch him just by moving her hand a bit.

Tonks adventured a glimpse at him.

Remus, of course, seemed to be lost in absolute attention. He was looking intently at Snape, his back rigid, one hand on his chin, the other on his lap, ever so close to Tonks' own. He seemed to be drinking each and every one of the potions master's words and, opposing to her, finding them most interesting.

She focused yet again on putting aside her memories of those very hands holding hers and looked at Snape as if she were to perform Legillimency on him.

"… Travers of course would be counted as an asset but his specific participation won't…"

Tonks wondered if _her_ own participation had been required during that Order meeting without her noticing it. She could not remember anything that had been said to her since she had entered number 12 Grimmauld Place that night. She knew Sirius had been already there because it could not be other way, and she had the vague impression Moody had been in the kitchen as well. And Kingsley too, maybe?

She had snatched a Butterbeer absent-mindedly and she had taken place besides an empty chair hoping it would remain so until Remus came. She remembered a lot of people arriving but could not tell who, she just had the feeling she had jerked her head many times in direction to the kitchen's door hopefully, whenever she had heard steps on the stone stairs, before she had finally seen the person she had been longing to look at since the night before.

Remus had entered with a calm expression as usual and he had greeted everybody in the room. Tonks could have believed everything that had happened the previous night had been just a product of her imagination from the way he behaved ever so naturally.

Then he had spotted her. Has it been the flickering of the firelight or there had been a sparkle in his eyes?

He had approached her and the still empty chair besides her, and had said very quietly, "Nymphadora".

"Wotcher, Remus." She'd replied, looking at him and, for once, forgetting to scold him for using her first name.

And then, as he was taking his sit, he had brushed his hand on her shoulder lightly, sending heat waves to every inch of her body.

Tonks realised now, pretending to be listening to her old potions master, that she had been very close to beam broadly at this very recent memory. What would it look like if she started smiling out of the blue at Snape's dull report? She gave a faint cough forcing herself for what seemed like the millionth time this evening, to concentrate.

Snape was finally ending his speech, there was a distinct tone of conclusion in his voice. About time, Tonks thought, wishing that for once nobody had questions or comments. She could as well had hoped for You-Know-Who to commit suicide. Bill Weasley started to ask something and Tonks had to fight her urge to throw her empty bottle of Butterbeer at him.

Well, if she had no idea what they were talking about whatsoever, she could as well resume her daydreaming. Instinctively she looked up and saw that Moody's magical electric blue eye was staring at her while the normal one was fixed on Bill. Tonks felt her blush and tried her best to hide it. In occasions like this it seemed that Mad-Eye could look into her thoughts as well.

She shrugged. Wasn't an Auror as entitled to distraction as anybody else? She thought rebelliously.

Her mind wandering again she couldn't help wondering what would happen when this wretched meeting would finally be over. She and Remus hadn't made any plans after all. The night before they just… well, they had just kissed.

And then, after what had seemed too short a time, Remus had whispered into Tonks' trembling lips "Good night", then he had given her a quick kiss and he had left her place without so much as a glimpse back. She had been too flabbergasted to do anything and her own "G'night" had came about a minute too late.

What did that mean? Was he going to kiss her again? Or had it just been a "moment thing" he would like to forget? And what wou-

The sound of chairs scratching the dusty stone floor of the kitchen made Tonks startle. She looked around feeling as if she had just woken up from a deep sleep, everybody was getting on their feet and even a couple of people were saying goodbye. The meeting was finally over, Tonks could have laugh out loud. Trying to look as someone who had been paying attention all along she stood up and stretched her arms. What was she supposed to do now? Go home on her own? Wait for Remus to give her a sign? He was talking to Sirius now, absolutely oblivious to her present dilemma, apparently.

Mad-Eye's grabbing her upper arm from behind made her startle again. This time, she knocked over her Butterbeer bottle on the table, but managed to catch it before it hit the floor.

"Bit distracted tonight, aren't we lass?"

She looked at him with as much dignity as she could muster considering she was blushing again.

"Dunno what you're talking about, Mad-Eye."

He chuckled softly. "I daresay you don't know what anybody's talking about lately."

And he went away before she could put together a few cheeky retorts. Tonks sighed loudly.

Looking around, she realised Remus and Sirius were still deep in conversation. Well, she decided squaring her shoulders, she would not be waiting for him, of course. If he was going to pretend nothing had happened, she would do the same. And meanwhile she could just try and keep that silly mind of her from fantasising any further, she thought angrily.

Tonks said "Good night" to the room at large trying to sound as cheerful as usual and avoiding to look at Remus, then she started climbing the stone steps, trying to concentrate on things such as broomsticks, not tripping over anything, the Weird Sisters and especially not him.

"Tonks." There he was. Her heart missed a couple of beats and then it seemed to give an extra dozen to keep up. Trying to hide the enormous smile that had spread on her face she turned around with her hand on the front door and a would-be nonchalant expression. Remus had just emerged from the kitchen.

"Remus." What else could she said that wouldn't sound like "Why don't you pay any attention to me?" or "Would you please kiss the daylights out of me again?"

"You're leaving."

"Yeah. I…" So, now it seemed to be the right time for her to embarrass herself. "I didn't know if… if I should have… waited for you." She finished with a whisper.

He was staring at her with unreadable expression but as Tonks looked more sharply into his features she realised the corners of his lips were twitching with what seemed like an urge to break into a grin.

"As a matter of fact," he said slowly, "I was sort of waiting for you, so we could go together."

"Oh." Had he really?

"Shall we, then?"

Tonks nodded and Remus smiled at her. He opened the door and taking her hand, descended the few steps into the gloomy street.

Her smile couldn't have been broader.


	2. Chapter 2

Of all the differences between the first Order of the Phoenix and the this one, something that was proving quite difficult for Remus to assimilate was the fact that now Severus Snape was addressing them in a contemptuous tone from the far end of the table, instead of looking at them from pictures _on_ the table with the sign "wanted" written over them.

It was almost impossible to listen to him with the proper seriousness without imagining him the way he had known him long ago at school, greasy hair, would-be superior manners, disdain for everything that had not been pure-blooded enough, and a considerable admiration of the Dark Arts. Getting pass all that, and the fact that it was very difficult not to call him "Snivellus" in front of the entire Order, was proving to be really difficult.

"… gather as many followers as possible, starting from the ones that took part of…" he had indeed a monotonous voice.

Add now this other colourful distraction at his left side and it was a wonder he was not bouncing up and down out of impatience.

He was probably being really irresponsible about it. He should be paying attention, of course, but how could he when the flowery scent of that cheerful, beautiful witch sitting next to him was treacherously filling his brain and making him yearn to stretch his hand and just touch hers.

Remus took a glimpse of her.

Tonks seemed to be listening to Snape's every word, while scribbling something in a corner of a piece of parchment. Her eyes were going rapidly from the Potions master to her parchment, while her free hand tapped softly against the surface of the table.

He had to focus on Snape. He needed to. Not only because of the importance of it, but especially because he knew that if he looked at her any longer, he would not be able to take his eyes off her again.

"… be decided until he proves his true allegiances to the Dark Lord…"

Who was Snape talking about? Was it really important? Remus was sure it was, but still, how could he focus on that now? He had been distracted since his arrival at number 12 Grimmauld Place that evening. The sight of her, sitting at the table and drinking naturally from a bottle of Butterbeer had made his insides melt.

Who had been in the kitchen at the time? He could not remember, even though he knew he had greeted them all. It was unimportant, though, for there it had been the one person he wanted to see more than anything in the world.

Sirius had said something but he had not registered it, he had just seen that the chair next to her was empty. He could not believe he was this lucky: for a split of a second he considered Apparating the few meters that separated him from her, even though that was probably the worse idea ever; still he needed to get to that chair fast though.

Somehow he had managed. And then, he had wanted to say something cleaver, something that would be shared only by the two of them, a small _something_ that would tell her, and only her, that she was the only thing in his mind.

"Nymphadora," he whispered, feeling that even though he was risking getting hexed by her until next month, it was a risk worth taking.

"Wotcher, Remus," she replied, looking at him with those wonderful bright eyes and, for once, forgetting to scold him for the use of her surname.

Was there a more beautiful sound in the world? But he needed more; he needed to make sure she was real and not a product of his imagination. So he gently brushed her shoulder trying to make it look as a casual move while sitting down. The heat he felt in his hand spread all over his body and all he wanted to do was to keep touching her.

Was it possible that Snape was finishing his dull report? It seemed that he was getting to a conclusion, even though Remus had not the sightless idea of what it had all been about. Maybe he could catch some of it from the questions the other members would ask. Bill's very specific one made him realise that was impossible. He would have to ask Sirius later, although he very much suspected he would not have paid attention either, due to entirely different reasons of course.

He was balancing in the back legs of his chair, looking at Snape with a murderous expression. Probably he had been thinking how the odds for him were to effectively hexing Snape without any member of the Order noticing it.

So, Remus had to admit he did not know the first thing about what everybody was discussing now. Was it terribly wrong if he let his mind float even further, to his memories of the previous night? Or to make plans for his immediate future?

What would happen when this dreadful meeting would be over? There was nothing settled, but he was sure that whatever it was, it would involve him and Tonks, and nobody else. Even though last night they had not said a thing, he just knew something considerable had changed between them.

And only because of that tiny little detail: a kiss. The starting point of everything; something that had been way too short but all the same so intense it was a wonder he had had the strength to finish it and go home. He did not want to put any pressure on her; now he felt he did not need to, her response to that kiss had said it all.

People were standing up now, and he had to make a considerable effort to pretend he had been listening all along. Mundungus said goodbye to the room at large and exited the kitchen followed by other Order members. Was it finally over? He could not believe it. And then a terrible pressing question formed in his mind.

What should I do now?

Should I take her hand and leave with her? Tell her anything? Wait for her to approach me?

Sirius made him a sign and he approached him, trying to win some time, while leaving her the possibility to chose.

"Enjoyed Snivellus speech?" Sirius asked.

"Pretty insightful, yes," he said airily.

"It must have been so, you were grinning the entire time," the arching of Sirius' eyebrow was an accusation in itself.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Sirius gave a soft bark-like laugh.

"Of course you don't, Moony. I'll expect you to explain me what Snivelly said later, though."

Remus glanced at Tonks'. She seemed to be lost in conversation with Mad-Eye. What was he supposed to do now?

"Pretty, isn't she?" Sirius voice came from a very long distance.

"Huh?" Remus had to make an extra effort to pay attention.

"Tonksie, there. She's very pretty. But of course, you know that already."

What was she doing? Leaving? Tonks had gathered her things hastily and had said "Good night" to nobody in particular, and especially not to him. She was leaving. Without him?

"Sirius, get a pastime," he said dismissively and without bothering with goodbyes he started climbing the stairs out the kitchen.

She could not leave. He had to talk to her at least.

Tonks was at the end of the hall, her hand on the front door; he needed to stop her. At least, if she wanted to forget all that had happened the night before, he wanted to hear her saying it.

"Tonks," his voice came up a little louder than he had expected.

She turned around, slowly, looking as natural as possible, but with a bright glow in her eyes, distinguishable even at the gloomy light of the hall.

"Remus," she just said. And he felt he could listen to her saying his name like that forever.

"You're leaving," he did not know if that had been a question, a statement or even an accusation. For him it felt like all of them at once.

"Yeah, I…" the nonchalant expression seemed to crash into the ground. Suddenly she looked anxious and shy and ever so adorable. "I didn't know if… if I should have… waited for you."

Her voice was now almost inaudible and he approached her, his heart beating madly at the proximity. How could he say what he had in mind?

"As a matter of fact," Remus started, "I was sort of waiting for you, so we could go together."

So, there it was, he had said it.

"Oh," was her reply.

He did not need any more.

"Shall we, then?"

She nodded and he felt his smile broaden so much he wondered for an instant how was it possible. He opened the door for her and with a calm movement, he took her hand. Her fingers interlacing with his felt just right.

Both descended the few steps into the gloomy street. He felt his heart was about to burst with joy.


End file.
